taking the bumpy ride

After living in New York for a few years, I was making a summer trip down to visit my family, and as it turned out, had chosen the absolute wrong day to do this. If we had stayed on course, we would have flown straight into a hurricane. Instead, we stopped in Memphis, and were given the option to stall and wait it out (“It could be days,” we were told) or we could take a detour to Mississippi. It was the last flight going out, and was sure to be bumpy.

I took it.

When I arrived in Biloxi, I called my dad, and he drove the five hours to pick me up. We drove back through the hurricane, and by the time we arrived home, the skies were the clearest blue that you could ever imagine. The air was calm, peaceful, and serene. It was as if none of the last 5 hours had ever happened.

They say that being in the midst of great turmoil can be one of the biggest gifts in life. Out of pain, sadness, confusion, there is great possibility. That is, of course, if you allow yourself to fully experience the whirling winds inside.

Typically it is my nature to stall. To prop things up when they start leaning. To patch up the cracks that start forming. It is hard for me to just let things fall apart, with the intention of building something new. But, the thing is, if something is meant to fall apart, it eventually will. 

If you step back without holding on so tightly trying to “fix” it, it will either be fine on its own, or it won’t.

I was in a relationship that just wasn’t working. Intuitively I knew it would fall apart. It was just a matter of when. I could keep propping and patching, or I could just take a step back, let go, and breathe. I chose the latter. It wasn’t easy for me. I was afraid of the unknown. I had no plan or vision on how to rebuild. And, yet, rather than try to put everything back together, I simply and slowly walked away and just started noticing.

After all that, I felt calm.

I rebuilt slowly. I asked myself, “what do I really really like?” I started to enjoy and play.

And when I was ready, I met Dave.

Being with Dave has opened up my capacity to dream. If I had not let things fall apart, if I had not been open and vulnerable, I’m not sure if that would have happened. I write this not just as a story about how I met my boyfriend, but, more so, that being able to let go and take the bumpy ride in any part of your life (ahem, my career, just as an example!), even when it may be scary, holds great potential on the other side.

2 Comments on “taking the bumpy ride”

  1. Jamie says:

    my favorite post. beautiful. xoxo

  2. Mariellen Scannell says:

    Just make sure you give your mom a great big hug from me. I may be in NYC in the near future to be on ” Nate Berkus Show”. Of course I’ll be staying at my park Avenue Apt. Hope you’re well!

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