a change in routine

They say that some of the most stressful events in life are changing a job and moving. Within just a few days of each other, I did both. I knew it would be difficult.

When I first moved to New York back in the day, cell phones were not part of the everyday fabric of life, and acting auditions were found in Backstage–on the newsstands every Thursday. I remember reading an article in Backstage about how resilient actors are because their lives are constantly in flux. Actors are always looking for a new job, their schedules are ever-changing, and many live in different cities throughout the year while on tour.

My first few years here were in constant motion, but along the way, I seemed to settle down. Up until this summer, I was living in the same apartment for 10 years (nearly unheard of in New York) and had the same day job for 4 years.

I wanted to see myself as the resilient actor who embraces and thrives off changes. The first thing I did, though, was to try to create a new routine. My life felt chaotic (and most assuredly the reason why it took me nearly two months to get back to writing this blog). I didn’t know what to do with all the new freedom I had, and the new environment I was now living in. Instead of embracing and thriving, I was now grasping for any kind of routine I could get my hands on.

I quit my job because I was feeling stagnant and I felt like small changes weren’t making an impact. I needed something big, something that would renew my spirit, and ultimately wake me up to the life that was waiting for me. I decided to apply for my Masters to teach Theatre and I knew that a corporate day job had no part in the new vision of myself.

Today as I took a long walk without any destination, a question popped into my mind, “Is it possible to just “be” with the chaos?” If there’s ever a moment to be present, it is now. The routine will make itself quickly known, but it’s rare to be in a position to create a life the way you want it. A clean slate. I can choose when to set the alarm (or not), I can choose what pictures I want on the blank wall (well, with my boyfriend’s input, of course!), and I can choose to take a deep breath as I step into another chapter of my life.

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