two summers ago

Summer is coming to an end – no, say it ain’t so! For me, it’s been one of the most eventful summers of my life. I got married, for one. I took many near and far road trips with my husband to visit friends and spend time with family.  I hopped a plane to an island on the Pacific, discovered that I love being an “outdoorsy” type (within reason), and enjoyed a soul nurturing honeymoon.

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The end of the earth

I also celebrated my 2-year anniversary of quitting my day job.  Since then I’ve managed the ups and downs of the freelance life, started grad school, and taught theatre in a Brooklyn public school.

The one thing I am sure of is that it hasn’t been easy. 

I can think of many words to describe it, but let’s settle in to uncomfortable.  It’s been so uncomfortable, in fact, that I just gave up writing this blog because I felt (feel) ashamed.  I quit my day job to: go to grad school to: become a teacher.  And, now, guess what? I don’t think I want to be a teacher (at least not in a public school).  And that makes me uncomfortable, ashamed, and… lost.

But without the risk, I wouldn’t have experienced all the juiciness of these 2 years.  

  • I experienced incredible challenges in the midst of a classroom full of 30 1st graders. (Whew!)
  • I understood how doing my best was (had to be) good enough.
  • I sat with feelings of loneliness working from home – and then cobbled together a community of freelancers.
  • I managed the ebb and flow of freelance work (well, still trying to get used to that!).

And, now, rather than stuffing these feelings deep inside, or panicking that I may be back to square one, I am trying to sit with the uncomfortable feelings and stay open and curious.